The woman behind Nori's Black Book -- a viral parody Instagram account written entirely in the voice of Kim Kardashian's sassy 5-year-old daughter -- is bringing her talents to TooFab.
Each week, "Nori" will be recapping new episodes of "Keeping Up with the Kardashians" and giving us HER take on all the family drama.
(NOTE: The below was not actually written by North West.)
This week's episode of "Keeping Up With the Kardashians" started with Kendall's Halloween birthday party. Kourtney was at the party filming for the show, but made it a point to say she was only filming two days a week because she didn't want to be in a toxic environment and she felt so much better about spending time with her kids and working on her brand, POOSH.
Auntie Kourt conveniently left out that she's under a little thing called a contract. She would love for you to believe that she can come and go as she pleases, but the fact of the matter is she would be in breach of contract if she didn't film. The legal fees alone would break her. - North West
At her SKIMS photoshoot, Kim told her best friend that she was going to rent out her old family house for a day. Kris loved the house they grew up in and it was by far her favorite house. She was also having food catered from her parents' favorite restaurant and she planned to rent the cars that look like the ones they used to own when she was a kid. She was basically recreating the 80's for Kris. Her best friend said it was a good thing that Kim was rich.
I was devastated to find out that mommy used to live in a neighborhood that wasn't gated. She truly has had some humble beginnings. - NW
Khloe visited the doctor to start the process of freezing her eggs. Her doctor was happy with the amount of follicles she has, so it was the perfect time to start hormone injections so her follicles can mature. After her follicles mature, she would be ready to freeze her eggs. However, the only way to truly know if the eggs are any good is to mix them with sperm and make embryos.
In this scene Auntie Khloe was wearing mommy's "Kim Is My Lawyer" sweatshirt. Mommy gave me a sweatshirt, but I gave mine to the Malikas because they needed a rag to clean the bathrooms. - NW
Khloe visited Kim on set at her commercial shoot to talk about plans for Corey's birthday. Khloe wanted Corey to feel special because he does a lot for everyone, especially Kris. The family has never celebrated his birthday because they've all had separate issues with him. Khloe had the idea to surprise Corey and Kris with a trip to Napa since their trip the previous year was canceled due to the wild fires.
Corey threatened to whoop Penelope and got a surprise, all expenses paid, trip to Napa. Can you imagine what he would've got if he actually whooped her? I'm thinking a Rolls-Royce...easily - NW
On Kris' birthday, Kim gathered 10 people, her family and her mom's closest friends, at the Beverly Hills Hotel. Kim anticipated that it would be an emotional surprise for Kris. Kim announced that they were having lunch at the house they grew up in and not at the hotel like Kris thought. The amount of effort and details in the surprise made Kris feel loved. The house brought back a lot of memories for everyone and it was an emotional day. Kim said that the family that currently lived in the house was private so the experience was not filmed.
For some reason Larsa showed up and production had her escorted out of the hotel. I guess she missed the part about close friends only. Out of courtesy for her children, I had this scene edited out. - NW
Later at Kim's house, Kris invited Khloe and Kim to Palm Springs for Corey's birthday. However, the girls were trying to throw their own surprise party for Corey in Napa, while making it a surprise for Kris too. Khloe and Kim gave Kris many excuses as to why they couldn't go, but Kris pushed that it would be nice for the family to do something for Corey. Kim and Khloe remained silent in hopes that Kris would drop it.
Kris invited me too and I just said no. I never feel guilted or obligated to give an excuse, it's just a no. - NW
Kim, Kourtney, and Khloe did a photoshoot for their fragrance collaboration. While at the shoot, Kim received a call about Rodney Reed, a man convicted of murdering a young woman who was set to be executed. However, the evidence that put him behind bars was now in question. The execution was coming up soon so Kim was trying to get him an extension on his execution so the investigation of the evidence in question can be finished before he is executed.
Auntie Kourt really fought us on doing glam for this shoot. It came down to us telling her if there's no glam, there's no check. Which means there will be no money to renew the website domain for POOSH? After we explained it to her that way, she quickly sat in the make-up chair. - NW
At Dream's birthday party at Kris' house, Rob asked Kim and Khloe if they were going to the surprise dinner Kylie was hosting for Corey's birthday later that night. The girls knew nothing about it and said that not going to Kylie's party was going to make them look bad even though they were planning a trip to Napa for him. They were now feeling the pressure to make Napa perfect.
Nice to see Uncle Rob on the show. He's been quarantined for years. - NW
Dream's party was so cute and cost effective. Thank you to everyone who donated to the Dream Kardashian Hope Fund, making it possible for her dad to purchase a birthday cake. - NW
At Kendall's house, Khloe described her hormone injections and the process of freezing her eggs with Kourtney and Kendall. She also said she had a sperm donor: Her ex-boyfriend, Tristan Thompson. She explained that he would have to sign legal documents saying he would just be the sperm donor, but she also mentioned she was still unsure because she might get married to someone else in three years.
Why is she choosing to use Tristan's sperm? Is sperm expensive or something? Did every man on earth die? Has she not asked Corey? - NW
While on set for a commercial, Kim took a call from her attorneys and the inmate she was trying to help, Rodney Reed. Kim told Rodney that his story jumped out at her heart and she was using all her contacts to try to help him and his family. His scheduled execution was coming up soon, so she felt it was important to share her game plan with him. Rodney asked if he could meet Kim and her team. Kim said she would make time, it was the least she could do.
Khloe, Kim and Kourtney boarded the plane that was taking them to Napa for Corey's surprise trip. The KUWTK producer was glad Kourtney decided to go on the trip. Kourtney said she almost didn't because she felt weird and had some anxiety, but she likes to travel and spend time with her family so she hoped everyone was going to have a good vibe.
It's free wine! Of course Auntie Kourt went on the trip to Napa. She's not fooling anyone. It's amazing these boundaries and so called toxic environments are non-existent when free alcohol is involved. - NW
Kim lied about looking at airplanes to buy in order to trick Corey and Kris to come to the airport. It worked perfectly. When Corey and Kris boarded the plane the girls yelled, "SURPRISE, WE'RE TAKING YOU TO NAPA FOR YOUR BIRTHDAY!" Kris thought it was the most amazing thing the girls could've done for Corey and shows how far their relationship with Corey has come.
I loved that Corey acted surprised even though he got the script for this episode weeks in advance, we had a table read that morning, and we rehearsed his surprise face right before we shot the scene. - NW
In Napa, the girls planned a 2-day itinerary. The first stop was a winery. Khloe dared the group to go give people compliments. Kris, of course, completed the dare with no problem. Kourtney and Khloe began serving other customers wine and taking pictures.
In the car, Khloe asked Kourtney and Kim about making embryos. She said Tristan would support any decision she made, be it to make embryos or just freeze her eggs, but she still didn't know what she wanted to do. In a perfect world she wanted to do both.
Kim called her attorney about meeting with Rodney Reed. Rodney was scheduled to be executed days after their meeting, so her attorney just advised her to keep it positive.
At the last winery, Kris got her drunkest. Kris was slurring her words, dancing, and laughing uncontrollably. The birthday surprise was a success and Corey was having fun in his element. Later at dinner, Corey said the highlight of his year was making Kris happy. Corey loved his surprise because it was his first trip to Napa. His only request was that he wanted everyone to dance with him.
Think this is bad? Kris gets way more lit at the family Christmas Eve party. Last year she tried to make out with DadYe because she thought he was Corey. -NW
In Houston, Kim met with Rodney in prison. They were still waiting to see if the governor was going to extend his execution. While Kim was with Rodney, the warden informed his attorney that his execution had been halted. Rodney's case would be reviewed for appeal and from there it would either be thrown out completely or he would get a new trial. Kim though either way was good news.
On her way back from the jail, Kim had her driver go to McDonalds. The employees were super surprised to see her when she came through the drive-thru. They were really excited, said how much they loved her, and took a lot of pictures.
This is the best part of fame. Making everyday people's day when they simply just see you. Rarely does the average person come across people as famous as us. Dream is still starstruck everytime she sees me. - NW
Back in California, Khloe went in for her egg retrieval surgery. After talking to her sisters, she decided to freeze her eggs so she can see how many eggs she has before she decides to make embryos or not. She was hoping to retrieve a lot of eggs. Ultimately, she decided that because she and Tristan were still figuring things out, it was not the right time to get his sperm involved, but it could change one day.
Later Khloe Facetimed Tristan about her egg retrieval. She ended up having 12 eggs and her doctor was confident about 5. She went on to say she was thinking about doing a second round of retrieval, but making embryos. Tristan said he was open to that because he wanted whatever was going to make her comfortable and safe. Khloe didn't know what the future could hold, but she felt a lot better about having embryos in the freezer. She said what is meant to be will be.
I wasn't aware that we already gave Tristan a recurring role this season. I sat him down some time last year and told him we need a couple things from him to get to "Scott" level. He needs to either produce another child or marry Auntie Khloe. He asked if another cheating scandal was on the table. - NW
"Keeping Up with the Kardashians" airs Thursdays on E!
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